petition to Lord muruga

Dear Lord Muruga,

As I am suffering from sickness caused due to loneliness,nausea due to the never ending winter of this bareland, depression due to the lack of any activity in this town other than going to work from 6am-2pm, fits of rage and head ache caused due to non-stop complaining about lack of communication skills with my "would be", occasional leg pain due to 5 hours wait at DSM airport trying to fly out on stand by sometimes, I kindly request you to make all these problems vanish when I wake up tomorrow. If you fulfill my wish I will make my "would be" to fast for you for 45 days, put holes in his mouth and insert 1 big vel and walk from madras to palani.
Ps: Could you also add to my prayaer the following:
I dont want to see scrubs or foot ball for the rest of my life. I hope you will niravethify my venduthal. "There is only one sitcom, "FRIENDS" which is funny rest are all unfunny", please put this message on your LCD screen tomorrow.

Thanking you in advance.
your abimana bakthai.