The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about the " Pen Parkum" ritual is Visu's " Samsaram adu minsaram" where he describes the rava kesari gliding through his tongue and his throat and then kamala kamesh singing their family song " janaki devi ramanai thedi". It is simply damn funny.
My mother is no exception to this. Whenever I ask about my parents first date, my father enjoys narrating his sarcastic version of how they met infront of just 30 people and my mom singing,the screech of a mouse caught in a trap version of "Marugela ra" and my grand mother singing along with her. I cannot stop but laugh everytime I hear that. Whenever I ask people Why do people always pick " Marugela ra" ? I have never got an answer. I would pick the same song too if I were to sing one. Thanks to the great Thyagarajar , he has helped in tying so many knots!!!!
Most of the Indians debate during those long potlucks and trips to Vegas, Niagra and Atlantic city about arranged marriage vs love marriage and we just end up nowhere! Not all of us are fortunate to find love at the coffee shop, a subway station or even the Indian potlucks, every eligible person you meet is either engaged or married or boring.
I dont know if there is any other option than arranged marriage for most of the (so called) "shy" Indians. We simply trust the age old selection process because we (until my generation) are not open to the dating ritual. I think arranged marriage is the next to best feasibility for Indians. It is either arranged marriage or none at all.
The only difference I see between the 1960's and now is that the parents let you choose from the eligible candidates that they have shortlisted based on 3 criteria ( family, education and career) minus the rava kesari, bajji, coffee and the pitiful girl singing marugelara tradition. I think some of us are saved from this " pen parkum" disparity by running away from home for job, studies or what ever reasons!
I seriously dreaded every time when I talked about myself like a worn out record player, asking the same questions, same boring jokes, I always asked myself if I will ever feel "it" when it is the right person. It is frustrating to be judged by someone and be either rejected or being pressured to make a decision, it is like a "fake dating" setup by parents/friends/relatives for all the single Indians that unfortunately sucks big time.
The only way I can I think of eradicating this uncomfortable situation is that we should all be encoraged to choose whom you want to be with right from our teen years. There would nt be a single Indian guy who wouldn't have had his eye on a girl by the street corner and waiting for his signal to make a move at the girl he has been watching for atleast a 2 months, the girl in turn would feel like a princess because that guy who is also not so bad looking is flirting around and thinks she is special. But what happens? ultimately, Mr. Eeeti meesai daddy finds this out and arranges a hasty marriage and sends her off the house to a vetti guy who doesnt even know what major she took in her college. The rest of the guy friends learn the lesson and stay bachelor until their dear mommmy and daddy pester them and ships a bride from the city to the US. It just becomes impossible for the young girls and guys to try out dating in such situations, hence the eloping, the sneaking, veechu aruva etc .....
Somehow not all us very talented in attracting the opposite sex, the moment you meet a guy/girl, you cant relate to marriage, its always " Ah No way I would kill myself if I were to be with him/her" or " I will definitely be rejected" attitude but occasionally there are some happy lovey dovey romantic couples who successfuly make it to the top of the marriage ladder.
Since we Indians ( atleast until my generation) are not used to dating concept, it is difficult to go and openly express our interests to a stranger even if you like her/him. Therefore unless you accidently meet Mr or Ms Right, you are bound to fall prey to the arranged marriage. My short journey for a man quest has been an interesting and an intriguing experience and finally fruitful.
You just need to wait patiently if you are desparate or you can chill out until you are ready to be sucked into the knee deep debts and home mortgages!
As chris Rock says " Married and Boring or Single and lonely", its our choice!!
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